Ah, Long Island in August. The humidity is high, the traffic is higher, and the number of "so what are we doing this weekend?" texts in your group chat is at DEFCON 2. But don’t sweat it—figuratively, at least—because we’ve got you covered with everything happening this weekend that’s actually worth showing up for. Whether you’re a party hopper, a stroller-pusher, or someone who thinks rosé is a personality, here's your plan.

🎶 MUSIC, DANCE FLOORS & DJ-POWERED DEBAUCHERY

Let’s start with the island’s reigning champ of summer chaos: Flynn’s on Fire Island. If you’ve never been, imagine a floating frat party collided with a destination wedding and landed on a dock. This weekend they’re keeping the party going with their themed DJ sets—expect Santa hats in 90-degree heat at “Christmas in July” and possibly a few NASA-themed bikinis at “Rocket Fest.” These events typically kick off in the late afternoon and go well into the evening, fueled by cocktails and questionable dance moves.

Meanwhile, over at Amityville Music Hall, the punk and hardcore scene is still thriving. And I mean that in the best way possible. Whether you’re there for the music, the mosh pit, or just to relive your high school angst in a safe space, AMH delivers. Expect gritty sets, cheap beer, and a crowd that somehow wears hoodies year-round. If you don’t leave with ringing ears and at least one new tattoo idea, you didn’t do it right.

🎬 MOVIES, THEATER & POPCORN THAT COSTS TOO MUCH

Prefer your entertainment seated and air-conditioned? The Stony Brook Film Festival is wrapping up this weekend, showcasing some incredible indie and international films. It’s held at the Main Stage Theatre at Stony Brook University, and honestly, it’s the perfect place to feel cultured while pretending you understand cinematic metaphors. Showings run into Sunday, and if you're lucky, you might catch a Q&A with someone whose name you’ll Google later.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 BRING THE KIDS (AND YOUR PATIENCE)

For those traveling with little humans who think fruit snacks are a food group, there are still great options that don’t require a screen. Over in Setauket, Emma Clark Library is hosting a balloon-sculpting show on Friday evening with Nick the Balloonatic. He’s basically a magician but with latex and a sense of humor. It’s from 6–7 PM, and yes—it’s free. Pro tip: show up early because, shockingly, kids LOVE balloons.

Also worth a detour is Old Bethpage Village Restoration, where your family can step back into the 1800s. You’ll find blacksmiths hammering away, sheep just vibing in fields, and costumed folks churning butter like it's 1845. It’s wholesome, educational, and the gift shop has rock candy and old-timey toys that may or may not survive the car ride home.

🌿 OUTDOORSY ADULTING (WITH BONUS WINE)

Now, if you’d rather spend your weekend swinging clubs or swirling wine, Bethpage State Park is your green escape. Home to the world-famous Bethpage Black Course, it's where the 2025 Ryder Cup will happen. So yes, golfing here is kind of a flex. Tee times fill up fast, but if you’re okay with twilight hours (and who isn’t?), you can score a round for just $44. That’s less than two drinks in Montauk.

Speaking of drinks…

You need to hit the North Fork wineries. Wölffer Estate and Macari Vineyards are the go-tos. Think live music, vineyard views, Instagram-worthy picnic setups, and enough rosé to make you believe you’re the main character in a Nancy Meyers film. Just book your tasting in advance because every other millennial with a maxi dress and a phone tripod will be doing the same thing.

🍸 HAMPTONS AFTER DARK

Now, if your vibe is less vineyards and more velvet-rope-without-the-velvet, head toward the Hamptons. Crazy Pizza in East Hampton is where the influencers go to pretend they eat carbs. The Bird House in Montauk is a hidden speakeasy that serves cocktails so pretty, you'll hesitate before drinking them. And if you end up dockside at Bagatelle at Gosman’s, expect yacht people, DJ sets, and at least one guy named Chad offering bottle service. You’ve been warned.

🧭 LOCAL SURVIVAL TIPS

• Traffic: Don’t drive east after 3 PM Friday unless you enjoy podcasts about murder while stuck in one.

• Parking: Download the ParkNYC app so you don’t have to dig for quarters like it’s 2002.

• Weather: Fire Island ferries get canceled when the wind’s high. Always check ferry alerts.

• Cash: Small vendors and farmers markets still live in a cash-preferred world. Carry some singles—it’s not just for tipping.

WRAPPING IT UP (LIKE A BACON-WRAPPED HOT DOG AT A STREET FAIR)

Whether you're chasing bass drops on Fire Island, sipping wine in the Hamptons, or watching your toddler squeal at a balloon animal, this weekend has something for every mood and moment. Just plan ahead, pack extra snacks (always), and remember—Long Island summer doesn’t last forever.

So grab your shades, your phone charger, and your sense of adventure. The island's not going to explore itself.